Infant-Toddler - icide - Why?

I have been following a story closely this week, especially because it's happened before. In Orangeburg, SC less than 100 miles from where Susan Smith drowned her children in October 1994. I follow all of the kid stories religiously (murdered, missing, beaten). It's like an addiction for me. I'm not sure why. I guess I just find it unbelievable that a mother could abuse or kill a defenseless child. It tells me that these mothers have no conscience. If they could kill their own children then they can kill anyone, including you and me, without conscience.

Briefly, in the Orangeburg case, for those that haven't heard about it (I'm not sure how you didn't), the mother orchestrated a pretty complex "get away with murder" plot. From paying money to stay in a hotel and rent a car to getting it into the water with her already deceased children in it. She asphyxiated them long before they ever made it to the water and then walked away to "get help" to the farthest location possible, without a drop of water on herself. These children were completely defenseless. One just over a year old and one just under 3 years old. The 1 year old child never knew what happened. The 2 year old fought like hell as supported by the evidence, all because his 29 year old "mom" (and I use that word loosely) who clearly didn't want to accept any responsibility for the children she made, fought with her mother about the care she was providing to the two boys. It should be noted that this "mom" also has a 10 year old daughter that lives with her grandmother. What a waste. She should have just killed herself instead. Now that wouldn't be a waste in my mind. This "mom" should have to suffer the same fate as her children and even that would be too kind.

For those that are interested here is the story: http://abcnews.go.com/News/children-dwon-south-carolina-river-mother-arrested/story?id=11413283

There was a case not long ago here in Austin of a little boy (Julian, 5) who was found less than a mile from his apartment complex. For the longest time APD didn't make an arrest only to finally arrest the caretaker (Ms. Turner), the girlfriend of Julian's father. Again, I say let the mother suffer the same death as her children. Regardless that this wasn't Julian's mother, Ms. Turner had accepted that role when she "hooked-up" with Julian's father. For you unbeliever's here is the link to that story:

http://www.kxan.com/dpp/news/crime/Girlfriend-indicted-in-child-death

And finally this week, I heard about a flight attendant on Southwest Airlines who took a one year old away from its mother after "mom" slapped her one year old child in the face after the child kicked her. After the flight ended, the child was returned to the parents. Why? Unfortunately, we have become a society of "I don't want to get involved". Does anyone beside me believe its insanity to think that a one year old would benefit in anyway by being slapped in the face? If this mother did this in public on a plane is there any doubt that she would do worse in the privacy of her own home? What are we going to do as a society when in 5 years something much more serious happens to this child because "mom" couldn't control herself? I've got an idea! Let's put "mom" in a public venue and let everyone that was on that flight slap her in the face so that she can experience the public abuse and humiliation her child did. Extreme, I know but giving her back the child isn't a great approach either. My only satisfaction is that I do think she's experiencing a bit of abuse and humiliation already due to the media coverage surrounding the incident. Check it out here if you're so inclined:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38739441

So did "moms" really all get that crazy and selfish or is it just media blitz? I don't know the answer to that but I will still follow all of these types of stories. I can only hope that someday we really will be a country of an eye-for-an-eye most especially when it comes to murder or abuse of a child. I don't think any of America's criminals learn anything from our current "justice" system except for how to get-off or get a free ride at the taxpayer's expense. That's why we have so many lifers and repeat offenders. This subject will be reserved for a later blog.

So what do we do? How do we stop insanity? There's no answer but if you're as passionate as I am about the issue then speak up. Maybe that will at least reduce the insanity.

That's all for now folks, until I write again...
~D

I Love You Everyday.

My Mom had surgery last Friday. I was able to talk with her today. It was great to hear she had come through surgery so well. Hospitals have come so far since I last had surgery in 1993 (another medical horror story for another blog).

She's in California and I'm in Texas but I knew she was in good hands because her husband and my sister would be with her through it all. Last week before the surgery I was like a nervous mother. I called her everyday like a countdown to D-day. On Thursday night before her surgery, just before I hung up and I wished her good luck, I said "I love you, Mom". This isn't something I say often and I guess I am "that" person that just doesn't think about saying those 3 little words until there's something serious going on.

Tonight I had a particularly long phone call with Mom. When you're in the hospital, we all know that once the visitors leave you're stuck there with just a bunch of strangers who pretend to care about you as long as their on their shift. There's a lot of comfort in being able to have a cell phone to call the people that you know and love. After that call ended it started me thinking about telling her I loved her. I didn't say it tonight when I hung up. Was it only because now that surgery was over and she was okay that I didn't love her anymore? Absolutely not. I still love her as much as I did the night before surgery.

I think like many people I take those 3 little words for granted. It's assumed that you love your family. I'm not sure why it's so hard as an adult to tell another adult that you love them but it's so easy to tell your husband, lover or children that you love them. For me it's about making myself vulnerable to people. I don't like being vulnerable and in all relationships it takes a lot for me to say those 3 little words. It's almost that by saying them aloud you're giving a part of yourself away but isn't that what love should be? When you truly feel love you should be giving away part of yourself and accepting part of the person that you're giving your love to. It can't go one way. Love, if you mean it should be easy all the time not just when it's convenient. Still, there's something in our DNA that makes this harder in some situations than others.

Michael Jackson said it best when he said, "Tell them that it's human nature..." It's human nature to want to wait until the other person expresses their love first. It's human nature to hold our heart close and protect it. It's human nature to express the sentiment more when there is something that could be threatening the one we love. Whether that threat is real, imagined or only in the perception. Like surgery.

It's human nature to be worried about giving our love away when there's the risk it may not be returned. Life is all about risk. If you never take risk you live a safe life but you also get nothing in return. With that in mind, the next time you feel the sentiment just give in and say those 3 little words. I know after this week I will make an effort to say them more often.

You know that saying, "You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family". Most people say that as though it's a bad thing. I personally feel it's a good thing. Yes, some times we put the word "fun" in dysfunctional. We don't always tell each other I love you. I do know that in my family we all are different as much as we're the same. Some of us have more of Mom's traits and others more of Dad's. Some look like one side of the family and some like the other. Underlying all of it there is love. We don't have to say those 3 little words all the time to know it. Sometimes it's just a phone call, an email or a Facebook post that reaffirms our family love and maybe that's why it doesn't need to be said aloud to the other adults in our life. Getting back to the saying, if I had to pick my family all over again I wouldn't change a thing. They make me who I am. They give me balance, strength and motivation that I can't get from anywhere else.

In ending this I just want you all to know one thing. I love you all EVERYDAY. Whether or not I say it aloud it's in my heart.
~ D