Bridges

I was thinking today and that's always a dangerous endeavor. Most people that know me well know that once I start thinking it's hard to turn my brain off. I was thinking about bridges and why we build them where we do. It's obvious that we build them to go somewhere we want to go but is that a forward place or a place where you've already been? There's no right answer. I know it's all balance, engineering, architecture and thrown in for good measure, a little geography.

So when we cross a bridge that's over a river do we cross the bridge or the river? The answer is clearly both. There's a lot of history in bridges. They are in our everyday fabric of life. We build bridges, burn bridges and cross them when we come to them. So just why do we have so many life statements that are related to bridges? I don't pretend to know the answer but I am going to tell you what I think (because that's what I do with this page).

I think we go through many stages in our life. In our younger years we build our bridges but we are much more willing to burn them down after we've crossed them. We're alive; we're young, indestructible and able to move on without a second thought. As we grow a little older, there is a realization that when we burn bridges, there's no possible way to cross them again, so we adopt the philosophy of crossing bridges when we come to them. That is a very challenging mental exercise. We approach issues much like a bridge, testing the strength and durability before we're willing to make the decision to burn it down or leave it alone for now (wait and see). I'm not sure that the age at which we change really matters but I believe the maturity of the individual makes a difference.

In our middle and later years we start revisting the bridges we've burned or crossed and wonder if we've always made the right decision along the way. I don't dwell on it but I sometimes wonder if some of the friendships I've ended would somehow be different today if I made the time to build them rather than burn them. On most days, all I have to do is look around me and know I've made the right decisions when it comes to crossing bridges.

So why is it so much harder in our later years to build bridges than to burn them? It's because you've lived, you've made mistakes and you've learned something that reinforces those original decisions made to burn bridges or to maintain them over time. It's also much harder because bridges mean moving forward not backward. It's hard for me to say (because I pretty progressive) but as we age, we become more resistant to change. I see it everyday in my job and life. It's harder to learn, make lifelong friends or establish new relationships. Moving forward means change. Looking back brings warm, fuzzy feelings of the great times in your life.

So how do we change? We keep in mind that building bridges takes a lot of effort, time, energy and commitment. Those carefully built bridges can be destroyed in an instant with a wrong word or deed and in most cases the bridge cannot be rebuilt.

We still need to cross bridges when we come to them and make the decisions to maintain or destroy them but we might want to take some time to evaluate if the bridge is worth saving. I can only recommend that you remember that building bridges assures moving forward and the future. Crossing them takes a lot of skill but it's rewarding. Destroying them means you can never go back and hey it's nice to be able to go back to a good memory once in a while. Until the next time...

~D