My Mom had surgery last Friday. I was able to talk with her today. It was great to hear she had come through surgery so well. Hospitals have come so far since I last had surgery in 1993 (another medical horror story for another blog).
She's in California and I'm in Texas but I knew she was in good hands because her husband and my sister would be with her through it all. Last week before the surgery I was like a nervous mother. I called her everyday like a countdown to D-day. On Thursday night before her surgery, just before I hung up and I wished her good luck, I said "I love you, Mom". This isn't something I say often and I guess I am "that" person that just doesn't think about saying those 3 little words until there's something serious going on.
Tonight I had a particularly long phone call with Mom. When you're in the hospital, we all know that once the visitors leave you're stuck there with just a bunch of strangers who pretend to care about you as long as their on their shift. There's a lot of comfort in being able to have a cell phone to call the people that you know and love. After that call ended it started me thinking about telling her I loved her. I didn't say it tonight when I hung up. Was it only because now that surgery was over and she was okay that I didn't love her anymore? Absolutely not. I still love her as much as I did the night before surgery.
I think like many people I take those 3 little words for granted. It's assumed that you love your family. I'm not sure why it's so hard as an adult to tell another adult that you love them but it's so easy to tell your husband, lover or children that you love them. For me it's about making myself vulnerable to people. I don't like being vulnerable and in all relationships it takes a lot for me to say those 3 little words. It's almost that by saying them aloud you're giving a part of yourself away but isn't that what love should be? When you truly feel love you should be giving away part of yourself and accepting part of the person that you're giving your love to. It can't go one way. Love, if you mean it should be easy all the time not just when it's convenient. Still, there's something in our DNA that makes this harder in some situations than others.
Michael Jackson said it best when he said, "Tell them that it's human nature..." It's human nature to want to wait until the other person expresses their love first. It's human nature to hold our heart close and protect it. It's human nature to express the sentiment more when there is something that could be threatening the one we love. Whether that threat is real, imagined or only in the perception. Like surgery.
It's human nature to be worried about giving our love away when there's the risk it may not be returned. Life is all about risk. If you never take risk you live a safe life but you also get nothing in return. With that in mind, the next time you feel the sentiment just give in and say those 3 little words. I know after this week I will make an effort to say them more often.
You know that saying, "You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family". Most people say that as though it's a bad thing. I personally feel it's a good thing. Yes, some times we put the word "fun" in dysfunctional. We don't always tell each other I love you. I do know that in my family we all are different as much as we're the same. Some of us have more of Mom's traits and others more of Dad's. Some look like one side of the family and some like the other. Underlying all of it there is love. We don't have to say those 3 little words all the time to know it. Sometimes it's just a phone call, an email or a Facebook post that reaffirms our family love and maybe that's why it doesn't need to be said aloud to the other adults in our life. Getting back to the saying, if I had to pick my family all over again I wouldn't change a thing. They make me who I am. They give me balance, strength and motivation that I can't get from anywhere else.
In ending this I just want you all to know one thing. I love you all EVERYDAY. Whether or not I say it aloud it's in my heart.
~ D
She's in California and I'm in Texas but I knew she was in good hands because her husband and my sister would be with her through it all. Last week before the surgery I was like a nervous mother. I called her everyday like a countdown to D-day. On Thursday night before her surgery, just before I hung up and I wished her good luck, I said "I love you, Mom". This isn't something I say often and I guess I am "that" person that just doesn't think about saying those 3 little words until there's something serious going on.
Tonight I had a particularly long phone call with Mom. When you're in the hospital, we all know that once the visitors leave you're stuck there with just a bunch of strangers who pretend to care about you as long as their on their shift. There's a lot of comfort in being able to have a cell phone to call the people that you know and love. After that call ended it started me thinking about telling her I loved her. I didn't say it tonight when I hung up. Was it only because now that surgery was over and she was okay that I didn't love her anymore? Absolutely not. I still love her as much as I did the night before surgery.
I think like many people I take those 3 little words for granted. It's assumed that you love your family. I'm not sure why it's so hard as an adult to tell another adult that you love them but it's so easy to tell your husband, lover or children that you love them. For me it's about making myself vulnerable to people. I don't like being vulnerable and in all relationships it takes a lot for me to say those 3 little words. It's almost that by saying them aloud you're giving a part of yourself away but isn't that what love should be? When you truly feel love you should be giving away part of yourself and accepting part of the person that you're giving your love to. It can't go one way. Love, if you mean it should be easy all the time not just when it's convenient. Still, there's something in our DNA that makes this harder in some situations than others.
Michael Jackson said it best when he said, "Tell them that it's human nature..." It's human nature to want to wait until the other person expresses their love first. It's human nature to hold our heart close and protect it. It's human nature to express the sentiment more when there is something that could be threatening the one we love. Whether that threat is real, imagined or only in the perception. Like surgery.
It's human nature to be worried about giving our love away when there's the risk it may not be returned. Life is all about risk. If you never take risk you live a safe life but you also get nothing in return. With that in mind, the next time you feel the sentiment just give in and say those 3 little words. I know after this week I will make an effort to say them more often.
You know that saying, "You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family". Most people say that as though it's a bad thing. I personally feel it's a good thing. Yes, some times we put the word "fun" in dysfunctional. We don't always tell each other I love you. I do know that in my family we all are different as much as we're the same. Some of us have more of Mom's traits and others more of Dad's. Some look like one side of the family and some like the other. Underlying all of it there is love. We don't have to say those 3 little words all the time to know it. Sometimes it's just a phone call, an email or a Facebook post that reaffirms our family love and maybe that's why it doesn't need to be said aloud to the other adults in our life. Getting back to the saying, if I had to pick my family all over again I wouldn't change a thing. They make me who I am. They give me balance, strength and motivation that I can't get from anywhere else.
In ending this I just want you all to know one thing. I love you all EVERYDAY. Whether or not I say it aloud it's in my heart.
~ D
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